Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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