Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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