I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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