I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
