so that wasnt chicken after all
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die, sorry about rent.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
