Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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