the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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