his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
