Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
