im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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