if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
