Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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