I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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