i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
