there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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