The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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