I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
