Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
