yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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