my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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