If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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