Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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