What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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