PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
