Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
