listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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