take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
