saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize