Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
