I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
