thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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