Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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