somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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