I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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