you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
