yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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