Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
