I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
