My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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