Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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