i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
