Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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