i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
