well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
