I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
