We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
