i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
