Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
