I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
