what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Its about making memories worth repressing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
