For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize