I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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