new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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