Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
