she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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