who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
