So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
