Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
