God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
