well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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