did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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