I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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