forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
