You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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