Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
