She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
