I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
