I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
