I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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