Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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