Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
