Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
