I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
