She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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