We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They have beer where we have blood.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize