i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
