Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
