So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
