She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
